Nerdvana! – Geek Quotes && The Self-Diagnosis Guide

In Subculture on August 8, 2009 at 2:16 am

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#include <std/disclaimer.h>

int main (void)

mov ax,@data
mov ds,ax    ; Begin

xor ax, ax
int 10h      ; Let's make the text a tad larger and readable shall we 🙂

Hello old chaps. Better, eh what?

There are a good deal of ‘memes’ running rampant through the Internet, and as the Internet was conceived, designed, and built by geeks it is only to be expected. As one who embraces the ‘geek’ in him, this author has decided to dedicate this and future “Nerdvana!” posts to exploring the culture, mannerisms, idiosyncracies, abilities and inclinations of geeks, painting them as the seperate subculture and community they are, rather than the social outcasts of popular perception. To a great extend the geek subculture has influenced the gamer subculture, and some of this has been funneled back into the geek subculture.

Do not worry - he's from the Internet

Do not worry! He's from the Internet.

Many of you fellow geeks would probably recognize the double ampersand, “&&”, in the title of this post as the logical AND operator in the C programming language, and its derivatives (C++, C#, Java, etc.) 🙂 The bitwise operator would have made more sense here but would have gone unnoticed. I was trying to make a point! As for the preprocessor statement regarding the <std/disclaimer.h>, it means that I am including a ‘disclaimer’ with this article in true hacker-culture-style. Traditionally this disclaimer read something like this:

“The following is the opinion of the author and does not represent the views of the employer, publisher, company or organisation he is associated with…” [truncated for brevity]

With that out of the way, let’s get down to business.

I found this list of Geek quotes online and I think they’re, 1) Oh so true, and 2) down-right hilarious. I’ll share these with you.

Geek Quotes

#1. Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF. All my base Are belong to you — someone on SlashDot
#2. There is no place like
#3. Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken
#4. Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning
#5. Computers are incredibly fast, accurate, and stupid; humans are incredibly slow, inaccurate and brilliant; together they are powerful beyond imagination. — Albert Einstein
#6. There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don’t.
#7. If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0
#8. 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
#9. I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly
#10. I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code
#11. My Software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
#12. The speed of sound is defined by the distance from door to computer divided by the time interval needed to close the media player and pull up your pants when your mom shouts “OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!
#13. The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it’s twice as big as it needs to be.
#14. Passwords are like underwear. You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them. You should change them regularly. And you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers
#15. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…
#16. A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those?
#17. I spent a minute looking at my own code by accident. I was thinking “What the hell is this guy doing?”
#18. Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button.
#19. Alert! User Error. Please replace user and press any key to continue
#20. If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. — Weinberg’s Second Law

Now, if most of these make some deep sense to you, then you’re most likely a geek yourself. But to put the notion to the acid test we found this really interesting piece of text floating around the Internet that should be able to tell you in a few minutes if you belong, or if you should go hang out where noobs and (ugh!) lamers fester.

Here it is. If you answer yes to the majority of questions in this test, then you’re probably set.

Criteria for the Geek Test

To go along with the questions (they follow below the criteria), I’ve devised a set of points-based criteria that should accurately tell you where you belong.

35-43 Points – Nerdisattva
Congratulations! You have reached that enlightened state of supreme Nerdvana. You are one with technology, science and all things geeky. In your sleep you solve partial differential equations that would exhaust the best of us, and manage to write flawless algorithms in C that makes ridiculously reckless use of pointers. The old adage, “an expert C programmer is one who never makes mistakes except when dealing with pointers,” just doesn’t apply to one with your legendary skill! When you play computer games, the mouse, keyboard and machine become a natural extension of yourself. You’re the one of whom the prophecy spoke. Take a bow, O Chosen One! … However, with this much ‘geek’ coursing through your cholestrol-engorged arteries, you’re likely in no physical condition to achieve such a feat. Even an hour of World of Warcraft leaves you panting for breath. So in the guise of humility you will leave outward shows of happiness and celebration to the lesser nerds and geeks. After all, you truly have renounced the world.

25-34 Points – Super Geek
You may never hit the gym or dance worth a damn, you probably don’t even fix computers or cars like many other geeks, but hey, who cares! Your idea of fun is building custom computers in your backyard – with microchips you ordered off the shelves of  some electronics store. When your operating system failed to find your device drivers the same time your Internet was out (ISP’s fault, not yours) you spent 3 hours writing your own. Your Starcraft play shows übermicro™ at 200+ APM (Actions Per Minute) and you could probably take 6 average players on at the same time while under heavy sedation. You are truly one of the most gifted geeks of you generation. Perhaps even the best in the world.

15-25 Points – Geek
You made it. You may not be the best or the greatest, but you still manage to pull off some mind-bendingly impressive stunts with science and technology. You ‘get’ tech stuff and you’re good at it. In you’re circle of friends you’re the ultimate authority on all things nerdy… And annoyingly this also makes you their free tech-support (ugh!). Ah well, at least you have friends.

Under 10-15 Points
You see technology as something to assist you, but you’re not overly involved with it. You probably did Business Management or Biology while in school/college/university. You’re comfortable with a computer but not with its inner workings. You’re fairly familiar with the ‘spec’ on the one you’re using to read this.

Under 10 Points
You probably don’t even have a computer. What?! Call that MacBook a computer? You gotta be kidding me! Your idea of electronics is TVs and DVD players, not FPGAs and  microcontrollers. The most difficult mathematical problem you ever attempted involved multiplication  and division… and lots of it. But who cares about all this science-y stuff, right? You’re living in the moment, baby!

Self-Test for Geekdom – Break out the Litmus!

Answer with binary 1s or 0s for each of these and add up your scores. Don’t get it? Then you probably shouldn’t be taking the test.

  1. * Going to bed early is 1:59 am
  2. * You have to move your Coke cans out of the way to get out of your “office”
  3. * You can’t wait for the next copy of “Wired” to come out
  4. * You haven’t met any of your friends “in person”
  5. * Your family and friends always come to you for their computer help
  6. * You know Linux isn’t Snoopy’s friend
  7. * When your wife calls you to see if you want to go out for dinner and you reply that you’ll have to check your BlackBerry and get back to her
  8. * You list Klingon as your second language on your census form
  9. * Your signature includes an @ sign
  10. * You can recite pi past 3.14
  11. * You’re constantly correcting people about the difference between hard and floppy disks
  12. * One of your kids is named: Egon, Riker, Anikin or Neo
  13. * You can watch your favourite TV show on your way to work on a portable device you own
  14. * You’ve uttered the word “n00b” in anger and with no one around
  15. * Sleep always loses out to a fatal system error
  16. * ipconfig /renew is still resident in the F3 buffer on your keyboard
  17. * You know what the F3 buffer on your keyboard is
  18. * If checking your email requires you to log into 4 or more websites
  19. * You wake up with an earache and a broken Bluetooth earpiece between your pillows
  20. * The combined output of the LEDs glowing under your desk exceeds 3 LUX
  21. * You know how much electricity it costs to run your home server per second
  22. * Your monthly ISP bill has a section for bandwidth overcharges every month
  23. * You can post a blog entry while sitting on the bus
  24. * A wipe and reload seems like a fun idea!
  25. * Your friends only invite you to a barbeque when their computer is stuck
  26. * Your computer is worth more that your wife’s engagement ring
  27. * You can’t do without at least two computers at home
  28. * When your girlfriend feels you are cheating on her with your computer
  29. * When you want to finish your World of Warcraft dungeon raid instead of going to bed with your wife
  30. * You read hardware catalogues to relax
  31. * Everyone immediately turns to you when their computer acts up
  32. * You spend more time with your computer than with your best bud
  33. * You go shopping for something for your computer
  34. * Your main concern when on vacation is whether 3G is available
  35. * A mouse is a human created utility, not an organic form of life
  36. * Relaxation = Sitting on a couch trying out beta software
  37. * One of your greatest forms of joy is to see your newly built PC boot into your favourite OS
  38. * You take an ordinary can of air and turn it into a musical instrument
  39. * “Flashing your RAM” is not an obscene gesture
  40. * You get BlackBerry thumb
  41. * You’ve memorized BIOS beep codes
  42. * Someone mentions root, you don’t think of a plant
  43. * You can code in more languages than you speak

There ya go! Having that sense of belonging already? … I would think so. 43 questions. What’s label and your score? Write them down in the comments below.

mov ah, 4ch
mov al, 0h
int 21h     ; Fancy geek way of saying, 'Goodbye,' and everything is in order.

Bookmark and Share

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank :: post to facebook

  1. Nice geek quotes!

  2. the prices of Pioneer dvd players are dropping these days and they are quite a bargain*.`

  3. I love your blog … Its uhmazin … love the quotes … i shalt not reveal my true score but im sorry i lie only at a measly Geek(15-25 points standard) 😦 . I shall continue my endeavors to stay indoors , drink more coke , watch the matrix a dozen more times and learn more coding thanks to inspiration made possible by the true masters such as urself 🙂

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